Africans In China

The Players:

Winston Churchill, one of Britain’s best-loved Prime Ministers, helped lead the nation to victory in World War II by sitting on his fat ass, smoking cigars, and delivering more quotable lines than an entire staff of Simpsons writers. Churchill was such a powerful force in English politics that his death ensured work for ugly British actors for at least the next millennia. During his time in Parliament, he often had the occasion to square off against the conservative Lady Astor, first female member of Parliament and renowned wit. Whether Astor’s penchant for attacking Churchill was due to his being a heavy drinker, occasionally sexist, or simply a worthy sparring partner, their scuffles proved that if there’s anything politicians do well, it’s talk some serious shit.

Setting the Scene:

I should actually say “scenes.” Astor, who eventually became a Christian Scientist, didn’t much cotton to Churchill’s habit of smoking cigars by the case while double-fisting whiskey sours. Churchill may have started the rivalry when he compared Astor’s election to Parliament to be “like being intruded upon in the bathroom.” To which Astor replied “you’re not handsome enough to have such fears.” Reportedly Churchill then choked on a lungful of cigar smoke, eyed her through the haze, and muttered “it’s on now.” And on it was, with such exchanges as:

Churchill: “What disguise would you recommend I wear to your costume ball?”
Astor: “Why don’t you come sober, Prime Minister?”

Astor: “If you were my husband, I’d poison your tea.”
Churchill: “Madam, if you were my wife, I’d drink it.”

But perhaps the best-loved Astor/Churchill battle is the following, made doubly impressive by the fact that, by the admission of both parties, Churchill was visibly drunk at the time–

The Zing:

“Mr. Churchill, you are drunk!”

The Comeback:

“Yes, and you, Madam, are ugly but tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be ugly.”

What We Would Have Said:

“I won World War II, Ass-turd, so shut it. You know, Nazis? Hitler? Your face.”

The Players:

Churchill you may remember from several minutes ago. At this point in our story, he’s still the British Prime Minister, still drinks and smokes like a fish’s chimney, and still seems to spout off horrendous burns like some kind of reverse fireman. This time, the target of his fire hose is George Bernard Shaw, Irish playwright, author of Pygmalion, and Socialist extraordinaire. Shaw spent most of his life crusading for the working class, even going so far as to donate the monetary portion of his Nobel Prize in literature to the effort to translate Swedish works of literature into English. This also qualified him for the Nobel Prize in Most Obscure Donation, the financial proceeds of which he used to build a gold statue of himself.

Setting the Scene:

When Shaw’s play Major Barbara went up (or by some accounts Pygmalion), he decided to invite Winston Churchill to the opening via personal telegram. Shaw and Churchill had what could be termed a “friendly rivalry” going on, insofar as both had at one point publicly called the other vastly overrated. But since Nobel Laureates are “above” expressing rivalry by punching each other mercilessly in the shoulder, Shaw’s telegram read–

The Zing:

“Have reserved two tickets for opening night. Come and bring a friend—if you have one.”

Churchill wired back–

The Comeback:

“Impossible to come to first night. Will come to second night—if you have one.”

Churchill then chuckled at his own telegram, rolled over in bed, and helped Lady Astor sneak out the fire escape.

What We Would Have Said:

“Request another ticket, as I am bringing two friends–my balls. Will introduce them to your face.”

(Cracked)

An Australian woman says she hated snakes even before she found 14 young carpet pythons in her bedroom.Esther Honegger of Fannie Bay told The Northern Territorian she first noticed some of the snakes as she prepared for bed Wednesday night.

“I hate snakes and as I walked backwards and forwards I would see another one,” she said. “They were everywhere — there was one curled around my bedhead, another around the bottom of the chair, and when I went outside there was one in the hallway, another on the railing and another on the step. It was like I was having a nightmare.”

Snake catcher Geoff Brouff removed seven of the baby pythons Wednesday and was summoned back to Honegger’s home Thursday, when he found seven more.

Brouff believes a female python living on the roof laid her eggs there and the babies slithered down through air-conditioning vents. Since carpet pythons usually lay 25 to 30 eggs, Honegger could have some more unwelcome guests.

“I’ve never had a call out for so many snakes before, so I thought it was a joke for sure,” he said.

(upi)

(gizmodo)

We’ve all done it, but usually when we do, we do it on the couch and wake up with dicks on our face. But if you’ve got no friends and no where to go, you’re likely one of the following top 10.

These are the top 10 signs you drank too much.

10. The gardener doesn’t even wake you

9. You’re walking on train tracks with cones on your head

8. You’re using your hand as a pillow

7. You passed out standing up

6. Foot on the bench, body on the floor

5. No shirt, Mumm’s, champagne flute and a suitcase?

4. Only Batman himself can handle 14 zombies

3. “Slow Hand” can’t handle the booze

2. No sink, no toilet, urinal it is

1. ‘Nuff said

(bannedinhollywood)

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. The bartender says “You’re all idiots”, and pours two beers.

An 81-year-old Chinese man has married a 58 year-old woman he met online, proving that love conquers all… well at least age.

Wu Jieqin, a retired art professor who has spent time in an aged-care home, married Jiang Xiaohui, 23 years younger, in a very special ceremony.

“The Internet doesn’t belong to the young alone. There are no rules against old people seeking love online,” said the professor, who has been using the internet since 1998.

The bride’s parents, aged 85 and 86, were not too happy about their daughter’s choice for a husband at first because they felt he was too old. However, she won them over in the end.

“His voice is very youthful. Not like an 80-year-old and he is very romantic,” said Jiang of her new husband.

The couple met last year after the lonely divorced professor placed an ad on a Chinese website.

He knew he wanted a woman who was younger and was very picky. Over 50 women responded positively to his ad, which a student helped him write, and some were as far away as the US, Australia and the Ukraine!

Wu met several of the women, but nothing clicked until he set sight on his new bride.

Ain’t love grand!

Kudos to the happy couple.

(weirdasianews)

On June 22, 2008, 130 couples gathered in Linshanpi, Taipei, to be married in a mass beach wedding ceremony.

The event was organized by the Taipei County Government and Tourism Agency, in hopes of promoting the local beaches as a great place for a wedding ceremony.

“This place has nice scenery, and it is romantic to get married with so many couples. I am happy,” said bridegroom Chen Chia-hong.

“I like weddings with a relaxing style, and I like beaches,” added bride Kao Ya-ying.

The local government has been sponsoring large weddings since 1970, in a continued effort to keep couples from spending large amounts of money on individual ceremonies.

(weirdasianews)

Last night, my Mac Book Pro became very ill. I had put it on Sleep, then disconnected the flat screen monitor attached to it, moved it to another room, opened it up but nothing appeared on the screen. I could hear the hard drive. I pressed the on/off button and heard it shut down, pressed it again several minutes later to restart it. I heard it restart but nothing appeared on the screen. So I took it to the Apple Store. They performed a few diagnostic tests, then told me they’d have to send it to the repair center. I asked where this repair center was located and the Apple Store guy told me it was in Houston, Texas. Seems like an odd place for a laptop to get repaired. I mean, aren’t there enough people in northern California who can fix a Mac? He claimed a lot of computer repair centers are in the South and Midwest where the humidity is high. Dry air creates a lot of static which is not good when you are repairing electric devices.

So posting will be light this week. I miss my Mac Book Pro and I am writing this on an ancient Dell.

(rosecantine)

I’m thousands of words behind in NaNoWriMo, but I can’t concentrate because DUUUUDES! Obama won and hope fills the air even though all of this Pacific Northwest rain is knocking it down and running it down the street and into the gigantic storm drain on the curb in front of our house.

I will hold the Tuesday night moment close to my heart for a very long time.

I should be packing for my trip to daughter’s home in Appleton. I should be cleaning the bedroom: dusting furniture, vacuuming, cleaning the toilet, putting clean laundry away but I am too wrapped up in news reports about who Obama will pick for his staff and why.

Do you think that Sarah Palin really didn’t know that Africa was a continent? An impromptu prayer: Thank you God for protecting us from Sarah Palin. A lot of Your faithful think she was an answer to their prayers, and maybe she is a good and faithful follower of Yours (but if she is, why did she buy all of those expensive clothes? Doesn’t she know that scripture about the little sparrows?) I can clearly see that You knew she needed to serve you quietly in Alaska. Thank you again and again. I mean it. Make sure she stays real quiet okay? We need Your help because some of us don’t think we could take even one more day of that voice.

It won’t stop raining and two more storms are on their way. I don’t think we’ll know when one storm ends and another begins. I’m going to light a fire soon. This kind of night after a long and wet day calls for fire – and coffee. With any luck there’s Kahlua in the house.

Want to: change the sheets, dust the furniture, put the mess away. Put things in drawers, scrub the toilet. Clean the bathroom countertop and the floor. Vacuum. I often list things I want to do and then, feeling satisfied, never do them.

Do you think Joe Lieberman’s days are numbered? Didn’t he recently say he fears for the country if the Democrats got 60 seats in the Senate? Why, yes he did. He certainly did.

Important Goal: By November 15, Etsy will be up and running (and don’t you think it’s about time?). I won’t make cute little zippered bags, I promise. Loads of zippered bags on Etsy. No jewelry either. No doll clothes. Nothing involving tags. No magnets. Well there it is, at least I’ve clarified what won’t be there. No monster dolls either. Not one single zombie or anything made of felted stuff. Nothing knitted, nor anything with googly eyes.

But what will I do? Oh….stuff. Beautiful, happy, sunshine-filled stuff. A wise person told me that if I love it and it speaks to my soul, then it’s worth offering, so I’ll offer and it doesn’t sell, I’ll give it away. I’ll have Twitter polls and winner will win from the spoils.

Time to dust.

(babushkablue)

This was announced by the recently formed UN Presidential Exchange Program (PEP). Kenya was a natural choice for McCain since Barak Obama’s father came from Kenya. It was also judged to be the best country to show off McCain’s skills in cleaning up corruption and reducing taxes to zero (wealthy Kenyans already pay little tax and the poor are too poor to pay). His military skills can come handy on a continent racked by constant wars.

The UN PEP office also announced that Sarah Palin will exchange places with Vladimir Putin (a neighbor she often waves to from her porch). However, PEP later issued a correction saying that due to her poor knowledge of geography Sarah agreed to go only as far as Siberia. Siberian natives were overjoyed, saying that the moose hunting season had just begun. Mr Putin was judged to be too risky for Alaska as it contains mineral resources that the Russian oligarchs might covet. He will be sent instead to Tonga to boost the tourist potential of the flagging, and sinking, island economy.

The North Korean President Kim Jong Il will be sent to run Guantanamo Bay Jail. After a year, he will be locked in with inmates for a night of conflict resolution training.

Arnold Schwarzenegger will go to Pakistan to terminate Osama Bin Laden.

Big Al Greeenspan will be sent to China to ruin the Chinese economy.

French President Sarkozy and the German President Angela Merkel will swap places. Sarkozy was judged to be the best person to improve German cuisine and fashion while Merkel promised to tackle trade unions, slim down overblown French bureaucracy, and impose order on the inevitable student protests.

President Bush will be dispatched to Albania to help run a home for retarded children.

President Clinton will go to the South East Asia as a goodwill ambassador to clean up the sex trade there.

Hilary Clinton will be sent to Saudi Arabia to create at least one crack in the glass ceiling of male dominance there. She will be equipped with a crash helmet.

Italian President Silvio Berlusconi will be sent to India as it was judged to be the only country that would continue on its way, no matter who you sent there.

Note: There will be a video announcement on Youtube and Blip.tv at 5:00pm Tuesday (EST) – Time.

Keywords: McCain, Kenya, UN, Presidential Exchange Program, comedy

(pyotrpatrushev)

Robben Island, the wind-swept site where Nelson Mandela spent so many years in jail, has been home to thousands of lepers and political prisoners. But now it’s struggling to cope with its latest inhabitants — rabbits.

South Africa’s iconic tourist attraction will be closed for the first two weeks in November so authorities can hold a “humane culling program” in a desperate battle against the bunnies.

The precise number of rabbits on Robben Island is unknown, but there are so many they threaten to permanently damage the island’s sensitive vegetation and starve themselves and all other animals, according to Robben Island Museum interim chief executive Seelan Naidoo.

“Immediate action will be taken to avert an ecological crisis on the island,” Naidoo said.

The Society for the Protection of Animals said in the absence of a feasible alternative, it would reluctantly monitor the operation.

“It’s a very unsavory issue to have to be involved with,” society spokeswoman Sarah Scarth said Wednesday. “But having reached this decision, we have a responsibility to make sure it is done in a humane manner.”

State veterinarians, environmentalists and volunteers will coax the rabbits into cages and give them lethal injections. In a gesture to animal rights activists, a small number of rabbits will be sterilized and released back onto the island.

The island just outside Cape Town was once a leper colony, and during South Africa’s apartheid era, a maximum security fortress for political prisoners. Mandela spent 18 of his 27 years in prison there.

Robben Island became a national monument and museum in 1997 and the United Nations declared it as a world heritage site in 1999. It attracts hundreds of visitors each day, all hoping to see the small cell where Mandela, who became South Africa’s first black president, was incarcerated.

It is also a biological treasure trove, hosting about 132 bird species, including the protected black oyster catcher and about 7,000 breeding pairs of African penguins.

In 2006, museum authorities killed nearly 100 wild cats on the island, saying they were an alien species that violated U.N. heritage rules. That made the rabbit population explode.

The rabbits are just the latest problem to batter Robben Island.

Three top managers were suspended in July for alleged financial irregularities and the museum has a large budget deficit. A new tourist ferry has had numerous problems and strong winds and rough seas from June to September caused a high number of boat cancellations.

(Yahoo News)

Note: China-Africa exponentially growing trade and investment have been a hot topic in western media. According to them, China is stealing African resources and killing local companies and people by guns and cheap fake products. Many Western media have sent reporters in Africa for that matter. I will post link to some of the videos soon. The question about why Western is very worried and has been trying to rise an anti-chinese feeling among Africans is both ridiculous and groundless. I will talk more on this next time. This article will give you an idea of the true motivations of western media on this issue.

Enjoy reading

Daniel

UK firms losing business in Kenya to China, India
by Charles Wachira

When Kenya purchased Toyota vehicles for its military forces, instead of the all-pervasive Land Rover, it signalled a seismic change — in effect ending the most favoured status enjoyed by imports sourced from its erstwhile colonial master the UK.

Another example is De la Rue, a UK-based printing and security firm that has uninterruptedly printed Kenyan currency since independence. It is fighting to retain its contract. The administration of Mwai Kibaki broke with tradition, inviting other internationally recognised firms to bid for the job.

The London-based firm J&S Franklin Ltd served as a single-source supplier of uniforms and combat kits for the armed forces since Kenya “unshackled” itself from British colonial rule in 1963. Kenya’s Department of Defence terminated its contract to the benefit of a Chinese firm.

Similarly, Brooke Marine and Vosper Thornycroft, two British companies that have exclusively supplied ships to Kenya’s navy since independence, have had to contend with the phenomenon of open tendering.

This change of fortune for British firms is captured in the official annual economic survey cobbled together by the country’s Ministry of Finance. In 2007, imports from the UK were worth Ksh29,414 million ($4.9 million) — compared to China’s Ksh45,668 million ($7.6 million) or India’s Ksh56,815 million ($9.5 million). Compare this with 2001 during the peremptory reign of Daniel arap Moi. UK imports then totalled Ksh21,989 million ($3.7 million) while China was at a much lower Ksh6,792 million ($1.1 million) and Indian imports amounted to a relatively puny Ksh12,830 million ($2.1 million).

Since the replacement of Moi’s government in 2003, it has taken China and India only three years for their imports to Kenya to overtake those from the UK, formerly a premier source of imports. “It is as a result of prudent decision-making that the Kenyan government opened up the country to the Far East, including Asian countries. As a result, Kenya has been able to access countries that provide better deals,” says Dr Gerrishon Ikiara, a former permanent secretary in the Kibaki administration and currently a senior lecturer at the Institute of Development Studies at the University of Nairobi.

“In the past, procurement of government goods was shrouded in mystery. Then political considerations mattered more than economic sense,” he said. According to the economist, Asian countries offer competitively priced goods and services compared with the UK.“Right now most of Kenya’s roads are either being refurbished or built anew by Chinese firms. And all our international airports are also being upgraded by Chinese owned firms. This is after going through the process of open tendering,” Dr Ikiara said.

Kwame Otieno, a senior researcher with the local think-tank, the Institute of Economic Affairs (IEA), blames “the rigidity of the British system” for the dip in British imports. The IEA promotes debate on policy issues. “If a Kenyan, for example, wants to visit the UK, they face a lot of stringent requirements that act as a hindrance. But if they wish to travel to the Far East, China or India, the process is enabling and travel-friendly.”

Sources said the change in bilateral trade relations between the UK and Kenya is as a result of poor relations between the political leaders of the two countries in the recent past. It is argued that Moi had very cordial relationships with occupants of 10 Downing Street in London. Successive British governments deliberately turned a blind eye to the excesses of his government. As a result, firms with British ties continued to receive lucrative contracts at the expense of other countries.

The Kibaki regime has been upbraided harshly, particularly by local British envoys, for failing to tame corruption in high places. Confirming the bad blood between the two countries, Sir Edward Clay, British envoy from 2001 to 2005, was in early 2008 officially declared persona non grata by the Kenyan government.

(TradeAfrica)